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Presscuttings
TMB’s news briefs: Advance purchases of Barbie dolls cancelled by men: It seems that huge advance sales of Mattel’s Duchess of Cambridge Barbie doll have been cancelled, after purchasers realised what...
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Tips for Running the Country, by Pippa Middleton
Not just the princess’s sister: Pippa is also well known for her incredible buns Hello everyone! Following the fab success of my party planner’s guide, ‘Celebrate’, I was approached again by Penguin,...
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Royal Baby: what the papers are saying
The Morning Babel brings you a round-up of headlines from the British press: Is he planning to kill this one? Royal baby will be “almost as good as Diana” — The Daily Express Royal baby: the...
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Duchess of Cambridge blessed with fruit of Prince William’s mighty loins
What I wouldn’t give to be that horse, straddled and whipped by that noblest of men by our royal correspondent, Wendy Nailinthehead The whole country is once again unified in an outpouring of emotion,...
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Queen told to fuck herself
Try not to automatically punch her in the kidneys and call her a vag-faced Aussie cockmaster Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II was this morning repeatedly told to “Fuck off”, “Piss off” and generally “Go...
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‘Fat-faced little troglodyte’: Duchess of Cambridge attacks Hilary Mantel
Mantel may not be the most beautiful author, but many feel Princess Kate has overstepped the mark Princess Kate has been at the centre of a row this week, after totally unprovoked comments about Hilary...
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Kate: “I’ll take a teddy for my d…”
Face it; it’s not going to look out of place in this line-up. (And also, it can pull the chariot, as long as it isn’t actually on fire) Rife speculation over whether the Duchess of Cambridge was...
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Woman in labour to give birth
Experts say that this is very much the sort of thing we can expect. A woman in the early stages of labour has travelled to St Mary’s Hospital in Paddington, where it is expected she will later give...
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Royal Christening chaos
Still missing The private christening yesterday of Prince George was mildly overshadowed by ‘supernatural oddities’, according to eye witnesses. A close relative of the couple said “It all started when...
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“I was murdered by Simone Simmons” says Diana’s ghost
The departed spirits of Princess Diana and Sri Chinmoy revealed this morning that they frequently had foursomes with Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson in a spaceship orbiting Pluto Princess Diana’s ghost...
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